


To Love Someone

by jadehqknb



Series: I'll stop the world (and melt with you) [12]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Minor manga spoiler, featuring Hinata Shouyou, good communication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:54:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24224644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jadehqknb/pseuds/jadehqknb
Summary: Bokuto is a bright shining star, but glowing all the time isn't possible, more so when the person who is the light of his life is hundreds of miles away.
Relationships: Azumane Asahi/Bokuto Koutarou
Series: I'll stop the world (and melt with you) [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1392886
Comments: 11
Kudos: 37





	To Love Someone

**Author's Note:**

> Song on loop: [To Love Someone, by Ben Abraham](https://open.spotify.com/track/65soBvyl4DalBmuC8JYxml)
> 
> Thanks to Kou for [prompt #4](https://sentence-fragments.tumblr.com/post/128655641230/101-fluffy-prompts): **“Is it possible to love too much?”**  
> 

Tucked into a comfy bed with warm sheets pulled up to his chest, Bokuto shouldn’t have felt cold. But he did, a dull, aching cold spreading from his chest to the tips of his fingers. It was always the worst at night when the challenges of the day had been accomplished and he was left with just himself.

Sure, he had the team and he had his roommate—no one believed him that Hinata snored worse than he did—but he still felt alone. 

Because the person he wanted most by his side was all the way back home.

_Home_. 

Laying his hands behind his head, Bokuto recalled the times where home could be as far as it wanted to be from him and he was fine. He, of course, missed his friends and family, wished he had more hours in the day to catch up with them over video chats. But now, with someone he considered _his_ , it was so much harder being away. 

He sighed, turning to his side to stare at the city lights glimmering below. 

“Bokuto?” Hinata asked sleepily. 

Bokuto looked over his shoulder, saying, “Sorry, Hinata, didn’t mean to wake you up.” 

“You didn’t, I had to go to the bathroom but I heard you sigh and saw you were still awake.” Bokuto sat up as Hinata took a seat at the end of his bed. “You want to talk about it?” 

Rubbing his hands over his face, Bokuto groaned quietly. “Yes and no? It’s hard to explain.”

No, it wasn’t. He was just incapable of putting it into words. So instead he asked, “Is it possible to love too much?” 

The room wasn’t pitch dark, the light from below bouncing its way up to give just enough illumination for him to see Hinata’s eyes widen slightly. He didn’t answer right away, seeming to consider the question seriously before he said, “You miss, Asahi.” A second later, he huffed, shaking his head. “What the hell, of course, you do.” Reaching forward, he found Bokuto’s blanket-covered foot and gave it a squeeze. “To be honest, I don’t think so. I mean, as long as it’s healthy love.” 

He stood up, beginning to pace which Bokuto knew helped him think so he just clicked on the light and gathered his knees to his chest, waiting for Hinata to speak. “I don’t think it’s too much when they make you so happy. When all you want is to make them happy but you know you can’t _make_ them happy, but you do your best to help them.” Hinata flailed his hands around, seeking words and Bokuto couldn’t help feeling grateful he wasn’t the only one who found it hard to find them. 

“I get what you mean,” Bokuto said, squeezing his knees tighter together. “Sometimes, I just… I don’t know. I wonder if I’m too much. I text him at all hours of the day forgetting time differences. I send pictures with hopes of taking him to all the places we’ve gotten to go. I send memes hoping to make him laugh. We can’t talk as much as I want and it hurts,” he took in a deep breath. “Sometimes I wonder if I just overwhelm him, ya know?” 

“Have you talked to him about it?” Hinata asked, ever quick to the heart of the matter and a probable solution. He may have been labeled a ‘volleyball idiot’ but the man wasn’t stupid. 

“No,” Bokuto admitted quietly. 

“I think you should, you know, just check in. It’s easy to keep pushing stuff under the rug, but it will only end up crushing you with fear you probably don’t need to feel.” 

Yep, definitely not an idiot. 

“You should be a therapist when you retire,” Bokuto said with a soft grin. 

“Nah, too much school. I just like being there for the people I care about,” Hinata replied with a brighter smile. Then he yawned and flopped back on his bed. 

“Sorry for keeping you up, let’s get some sleep,” Bokuto said, clicking the light off. 

“You should call him, Koutarou,” Hinata said as he climbed under his covers again. “Right now. You’ll just keep thinking about it if you don’t.”

Sighing, Bokuto slid out of bed, picking up his cell phone and headed for the balcony door. “You’re right,” he said as he pushed the speed dial button for his boyfriend. 

Asahi picked up on the second ring. “Koutarou! Is everything ok?” 

Bokuto felt tears well up at the sound of his voice. He choked them back, or tried to, but his voice still came out thick when he answered, “Yeah! Everything’s great!” 

Just before he slid the door shut, he heard from Hinata’s bed, “Tell him the truth!”

“The truth? What’s going on Koutarou?” Asahi asked, of course having heard Hinata.

Shutting the door, Koutarou turned and leaned against the railing, his eyes looking at but not seeing the city beneath him. All he could see was Asahi’s concerned face, his brow furrowed and his lips pursed, anxiety clawing at his throat. 

It made him feel guilty. 

But he pushed past the lies in his own mind and said, voice thick with emotion, “Asahi... do… do I love you too much?” 

There was a pause. “What are you talking about?” Asahi sounded confused and, understandably, concerned. 

“I mean,” Bokuto continued, still struggling to find the right words, “am I too much? I know I text all the time and say all this stuff that probably sounds like bullshit but I really mean it and, I don’t know, I just miss you so much and,” his voice broke, words stalling as all the emotions he’d been pushing down came surging up. 

“Oh Kou,” Asahi said softly and Bokuto could _feel_ the caress of his fingers through his hair just in those two words. 

“I’m sorry,” Bokuto sniffled, “I try to be happy when I call you. It’s my own fault I’m away but—”

“Hey, hey, none of that,” Asahi admonished gently. “Why are you apologizing for living your dream? You’re amazing, Koutarou. The Black Jackals wouldn’t be what they are without you.” 

Bokuto felt some of the tightness in his chest release. 

Asahi went on, “As for loving me too much? I’m a big guy, you goof, I can handle a lot of love.” He dropped his voice an octave, teasing, “And I love the love you give. In any and all ways.” 

“Not fair when I can’t touch you,” Bokuto whined, but it was softly, a smile breaking through. 

Asahi laughed lightly. “I know. If it makes you feel any better, I’m torturing myself, too.” He paused, then said, “Koutarou, being loved by you… it’s an honor. I mean it. I’m not just saying it to make you feel better. And of course, we’re going to have to do things a little differently, but I don’t mind. The only thing I do mind is you hurting and even though I can’t control it, I’ll do my best to help you feel better.” 

Hinata’s words, or something akin to them, echoed back to Bokuto from his boyfriend’s lips helped steady the tremble of his heart. He closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath and calling to mind the spicy, masculine scent undercut with leather and dye that was uniquely Azumane Asahi. 

“You did, you do. You’re amazing, Asahi. I’m… I’m so lucky to have you.” 

“Me, too, Koutarou,” Asahi replied. He sniffed and Bokuto felt bad that he’d probably made him cry but he was so grateful in that moment it waylaid the guilt into something less sharp. 

“Hey… would you mind staying on the line for a bit? Just until I fall asleep? If you’re busy, that’s fine, but I… it would help, I think,” Bokuto asked tentatively. 

“Of course, Kou, anything you need, I’m here.” 

Bokuto sighed with relief, quietly sliding the door open and stepping back into the room. He tucked himself in and whispered into the phone, “Goodnight, Asahi. I love you.” 

“I love you, too,” Asahi replied. 

A few minutes later, Bokuto was fast asleep. 


End file.
